Hey Everyone!

It's been about two weeks since I last blogged! It's been a crazy few weeks!

Here are different things that my family has been up to:

Lil Bob- Well this little guy has been busy almost as busy as his momma. He has t-ball going on right now, he plays for the Yankees and has really enjoyed the time with his teammates. I totally messed up and didn't wake up for his game last Saturday and then His game on Monday was rained out....I felt so bad! He is also been participating in Knox College for Kids last week and this week. He has had a blast and has really enjoyed his classes.

Alex and Allie- They really haven't had any outside activities this summer. We've made many trips to the library and to different parks (when weather permits). They are looking forward to going to the carnival this weekend (for the past two days they've seen people setting up the rides as we go back and forth from Knox). I had to take Allie to the doctor yesterday, she had been complaining of her left ear hurting her so I assumed it was a regular ear infection. Come to find out she has swimmers ear (not really sure how she got that since she hasn't been swimming in over a month and I really don't let her lay down in the bathtub).

Bob- He has been busy with work...he's still on 3rd until mid September. We are getting ready to head to his cousin's wedding in a couple weeks in Wisconsin.

Samantha- I've been keeping myself busy as usual, but I wouldn't have it any other way! Some things have changed and some have stayed the same.

The Relay For Life fundraising will be coming to an end soon. My team has been so awesome! We've been able to raise so much more that we originally thought we could for The American Cancer Society.

Mom2Mom planning is underway and I'm so excited to work with this new team as we are able to reach so many women.

Another thing I'm excited about is the upcoming Women's Retreat that we are currently planning at Bethel. This is such a special time for women to get a much closer relationship with God and other women!

I am part of a Bible study that has been going over different women of the Bible. It has been such a great study to join!

I also had the opportunity to participate in a mom's support group last night. Even though I didn't get to stay for long yesterday I am very excited to participate in this in the future!

My house has finally been cleaned up, after losing my baby a few weeks ago I really had quit doing much around the house...but I was finally able to get motivated and get my house back to being clean (other than my room).

Question for anyone who's had a miscarriage in the past. It has now been 3 1/2 weeks since I had the miscarriage and I've still had some abdominal pain. Is this something that is normal? I had a UTI/ Kidney infection that I didn't discover until last week, I've finished the antibiotic. So before I had finished the medication I assumed the pain was associated to the UTI but since I've finished it the pain has still been there.

Scripture that I love-

Jeremiah 29:11-14 (I think I've posted this before)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.

Philippians 4:4-6

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Two Weeks

Tomorrow marks two weeks since I found out that I was going to have a miscarriage. I thought I was getting better emotionally until last night. I knew I had to go back to my doctors office today for the 2 week check up. I was up off and on throughout the night and my nerves were going crazy, I had really bad heartburn all because of what I had to do the next day.

As I walked into the office building today I could feel my heart racing and the need to run! But I didn't of course. I decided to take the stairs because I figured I wouldn't have to see anyone else in there. I walked into the office and of course saw babies and pregnant women everywhere I looked...sitting and waiting, it felt like torture. I didn't want to be there and now I was waiting by all of these happy people and I didn't want to cry in front of them. So I decided to focus on a game on my phone.

When my name was called and I had to walk to the back room it was horrible....even the nurses act different when you are there after a miscarriage for a checkup. She was very quiet didn't smile, didn't really say much to me at all. All I kept telling myself was "don't cry Sam, don't cry you can do this". Unfortunately my emotions got the best of me yet again and I broke down in the room again. Luckily Bob was there to hand me tissues....I don't think I could have handled this whole situation very well if I didn't have Bob with me.

Good news...my levels are back down to 2 so I don't have to have anymore blood taken for this reason! Also, my midwife suggested that we wait 2 months to try again after I questioned a little bit more she did say that some of her patients do get pregnant sooner and it just depends on what Bob and I want to do...if I am emotionally ready for a roller coaster of emotions during another pregnancy. She said that I need to grieve for this baby. She gave me something that a church out of Peoria put together for mom's who have miscarried...in it was a card, a little book, and a little ornament of Jesus holding a baby....underneath it it says "Safe in the arms of Jesus". I just need to keep remembering that my baby is in a better place.

When I got home Bob let me hang out in the bedroom most of the day...it wasn't as bad as the first day, but it was still bad. I thought that I was doing better but then something happens that reminds me of my loss and my baby...today it was the check up, yesterday it was a friend announcing her pregnancy, before that it was holding a baby in the nursery and smelling the baby smell and knowing that I'm not going to be able to hold my baby. I just have to take one day at a time and know that I have a God that loves me and will take care of me. I will continue to praise and worship Him through this hard time!

Jeremiah 29:11-12

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart."

Me-

It's now been 1 week since I was told that I was miscarrying. This week started out horrible but has now started to get a little back to "normal". My body is back to the way it was before and my emotions are getting more under control. I still have the feeling of loss but at least the pregnancy emotions are ending.

I ventured out of the house this week...to and from schools taking the boys to and from schools. I visited with a cousin and my grandma. Today I decided to go around a large group of friends when I went to Mom2Mom park day. Park day was probably the hardest...seeing all the women look at me with concern and sadness is soooo hard.

I have a conflict of feelings sometimes; on one hand I wish that no one had known that I had been pregnant because then I wouldn't have these loving friends concerned and cautious around me, on the other hand I love that I told that we were expecting because I don't think I could have handled it as well as I did if I hadn't had the support and love from so many. It's still hard to be around all the pregnant bellies and not to think about my baby and the what ifs.

I don't know if I'll ever know for sure why I had a miscarriage but, because of this I have been able to hear so many stories of everyone what has also been through this. I've had the chance to pray for those that have recently or are still going through a miscarriage. I've been able to help a friend go through her miscarriage....I know if I hadn't had one first I wouldn't have been able to help her through hers. I know that God does things for a reason. All I can do is pray for healing and for whatever God gives me in the future.

I've thought about buying some sort of jewelry to remember the baby I lost...I've seen on different websites that some women do that.... what are your thoughts on this?

Bob and I have also decided to try again after I have been given the okay to do so. So please pray for healing, and if it is God's will another pregnancy.

Now I think I will talk about something other than me...

Alex-

Today was Alex's last day at Bright Futures for the summer. His first year of school has been both challenging and fun for him. If you have met my Alex you know that he is not much for following rules and he thinks that he needs to break most of them...in school that doesn't work out for him. I've had many letters sent home this year. I know he loves school but, I'm really hoping that he has a better year next year. Please keep him in your prayers this summer. He finished his soccer last Saturday... it is so cute to see all the preschoolers out on the soccer field (you can normally tell which ones are the younger preschoolers by how often they just walk around picking dandelions or get stuck in the net). He really doesn't have a lot to do this summer...he's in that in between age where there isn't a lot of extracurricular activities for him to do, hopefully he doesn't get too bored with mommy.

Bobby-

His last day of kindergarten is on Monday! The time just keeps flying by with this little guy! He was diagnosed with ADHD at the beginning of the year and all I can say is WOW what a difference since he has been diagnosed! He went from not paying attention in school/crying saying everything was too hard to being at the top of his class! He is reading at a third grade level, doing math and science at an accelerated level....I'm so proud of his hard work!!! This has been a long battle but I see the little boy I always knew was there now! I'm so happy that he was placed in the class he was and that the teacher saw his potential and helped us figure out what was best for our little guy! We are going to miss Mrs. Hager next year. Hopefully we get another teacher next year that makes sure he works to his potential and that we can have a good parent/ teacher connection to keep him there. He will be going to Knox College For Kids this summer! We are so proud of him and the journey that he's been on! Please keep him in your prayers for next year as we continue our journey with ADHD. Mrs. Hager has actually mentioned requesting Alex in a couple years when he starts kindergarten....hopefully she'll get him and we can work together to make him reach his potential too! Bobby is also playing baseball through the city this year for the first time. He loves it and it is fun to watch all the littles trying to catch the ball and run the bases in confusion.

Little Miss-

Allison has finished her parent/tot tumbling for the summer...well that isn't totally true, she has her last "extra" class on the 11th. She is such a natural at it! She loves Miss Cindy so much! She runs around the house singing her tumbling warm up songs all the time....not to mention all the flips she does (when she's not suppose to). We are debating putting her in the summer dance program at All That Dance for a week to see how she does with that...she really loves to pretend to be a ballerina all the time so I think that it would also be a good fit for her. My baby girl starts preschool in the fall! It feels like just yesterday when I had all three home (Bobby turned 3 a week after I had her and Alex was 16 months). I won't know what to do with myself. I know my husband is probably hoping that the house will be cleaner LOL. This is going to be a tough transition for this mama!

Bob-

He is now on third for the summer at John Deere...which is never a fun transition for both the family and him. He has been so tired lately and we haven't been able to see that much of him :( He is also still selling Advocare on the side....but because of his new work schedule he hasn't been able to pursue new clients. Please pray for him as he transitions back to third for the summer.

Other happenings-

Relay For Life- My team has done awesome! We have still been placing purple toilets in both Galesburg and Knoxville. We have a car wash this Sunday (weather permitting) 1-4 in front of Burglands on Henderson St.

I am also on the Knox county committee for Relay For Life- I'm in charge of organizing and getting the vendors for Vendor Alley...so far I've had a good turn out and hopefully I'll be able to get some more interested vendors soon!

Mom2Mom- I'm very excited as we start planning for next years mom2mom!!! Please pray for us as the new team plans during the summer!

Thank you all for reading this....I know that it is super long with NO pictures!! I'll have to add some soon (which means I will actually start taking some that aren't on my phone, Ronda, Shocking right)!

Much Love!

Samantha